I ask you for help, but you say you can’t give,
You have all these possessions but I needed money to live,
You ask me to prove that my needs are real,
Do you think I’d ask if I was trying to steal?
In one breath you say you want to die,
You make promises and offers that are all just a lie,
You can’t remember the words you said,
But when you were talking it wasn’t you, it was the drink instead.
You apologize and give me hope you’re somebody new,
That you’re going to support me in what I’m trying to do,
You pick me up just to let me down,
I’ve done well in my life, yet you still frown.
Because you can’t see material things for my time,
I’ve not made it in your eyes, but I have in mine,
You have not seen the trouble I’ve been through,
I’m lucky I got this far, and I can manage what I do.
When I was away for all those years I played my own hand,
I never phoned you for help because you’d never understand,
I didn’t come crawling back home until it was my last hope,
And when I did you hung me from a rope.
You put me down and blamed me for things that were not my error,
I had problems of my own but you still made me live in terror,
I ran to get away from fear and drunken rage,
But came home to be put back in the same cage.
I needed a cushion that was soft, gentle and kind,
Instead you just gave me more unsettlement in my mind,
You never really made me feel I was at home,
That’s why I’m better off away and on my own.
I stayed out of your home as much as I could,
Because when I was there you didn’t make me feel good,
I ran from man to man that offered me a rest,
But none of those moves worked out for the best.
I just don’t know what to say or do anymore,
Nothing seems to make a difference to my score,
I wasn’t doing what you wanted all those years ago,
It seems nothing has changed, so I’m best to go.
You tried to say my life and ways were not right,
Different yes, but full of love, understanding and a deeper insight,
You found all the faults in me but in yourself you don’t,
I accept and see who you really are, but change and be like you I won’t.
Original date written unknown…Essence