Posts Tagged DJitalEssence

All work and no play…does it make me dull?

As someone who has goals, who works highly independently and is currently juggling time and money to build a business single handedly as well as training for my first marathon I have no real time for fun, as defined by most people.

During my younger years in life I opted for fun and was pretty good at it! Now I choose to put all my energy into the things that I see as my priorities meanwhile leaving out most aspects of play as a matter of choice and necessity to sustain my life and the energy required to be able to work towards the bigger picture.

In my current position I am the sole producer of all creative output and business aspects of building my creative enterprise. I have to juggle a variety of tasks, from producing music, writing tracks, mastering them, designing graphics, social networking and online promotions, website design and then all the business aspects of being self employed, book keeping, thinking, planning, being dynamic in a fast changing media environment, learning all there is to know about the areas of business I am going into, registering with and updating all online spaces, working out new operations and software applications and heap of other things that get added to my list of things to do.

I do all this because I am too far down the road to go back, I do this for love and passion, I do this with faith and hope that this process will lead me to where I want to be. Where is that you may ask, and I too have to ask myself the same question, where do I want all this to go, why am I doing it, what are my ultimate goals and what do I wish to achieve from all this work for little or no pay as yet.

I am the same as any artist I guess in that department, I am hoping that somewhere along this road, somebody will recognise what I do as worthy of their endorsement and allow me to make a living from it that will be enough to better sustain me and allow me to do the things I really want to do with my life, the play that I hope to have one day.

They say in life we need to have balance, that all work and no play makes you dull. I can be far dull from previous experience, but in order to do what I am doing right now there simply is no other way to do things other than to lock off certain aspects of my “fun” in life otherwise something more important suffers. There is only one of me and I must divide my time and energy into the aspects that best serve what I percieve to be my route to success.

I often sit alone in the hours I do have as my own personal leisure time, these hours are often at the end of a long ass day and by that time I do not have the energy for much other than staring at the TV before heading to bed. I get invited to nights out, but I choose to decline these because my resources must be spent just maintaining what I am and my life. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing, it gets tempting to chuck it all in and just go out and not give a damn like most people, get drunk, have fun instead of working hard, training for marathons and doing all these things that prevent me from having large amounts of “play” time.

The last few years have been a hard slog. I have been on an emotional journey, a spiritual journey, an educational journey, an artistic journey, a creative journey, and educational journey, a phyiscal journey, a mental journey, a journey that has tested so many aspects of me, my strength and my will to carry on…there have been times I have have been tripped up and fallen, but I have got back up and carried on with my own motivation, not with someone pulling me along or pushing me, only myself. As an artist and a dreamer I am often best left in my clouds of imagination and dreams for some of the other things that could fulfill my life, as in reality they rarely bring the beautiful feelings and love I hope for.

Some say I am too hard on myself, but I just see the standards I want to attain, and if I can see I am not there yet then I still have work to do, I want to be as good at the people I aspire to be and until then, I may be a bit “dull” and have less fun. This path of attainment is what gives my life vitality, purpose and meaning, it may not fulfill all aspects of my happiness, it may be misunderstood or appear dull to others but essentially it’s what keeps me happy most of the time, which is the main objective after struggling many a time to feel that way about this thing called life…


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Drug addiction should be treated as a health matter…says Russell Brand…

There are many reasons why people take drugs. Lets not forget that this word “drugs” also includes things like alcohol, cigarettes and legal prescribed medications too.

So why does someone begin to take a drug?

This can depend on a persons age and circumstances. Many young people do not usually get involved with drugs conciously to escape life or numb pain, it is often peer pressure, friends and wanting to fit in and appear cool that leads many to try drugs, and these trials sadly often result in habits being formed. Recreationally, drugs are available at every corner be they legal or illegal highs.

An “addict” or regular drug user, with a habit they can afford can often also afford to check themselves in and out of rehab centres to deal with the problem or have more qualified and better support systems surrounding them, hence avoid the long arm of the law and their habit is never criminalised.

However, an addict on the lower rungs of financial security with a habit will usually spend his/her last pennies on their habit, even before food. Availablity and how desperate an addict is will determine their behaviour to obtain more of their preferred drug. The type of drug dependency will also determine urgency and hence whether crime as an option will be resorted to, to obtain said drug.

Once an addiction has set in, that person will be experiencing a multitude of issues that come with the experience of addition. Frequently behind the addiction is an underlying life story or experience that is being suppressed and it is only when that can be faced in the cold light of day either through self help or therapies, treatment, that an addict has more of a chance of kicking their habit. Life skills and rehabilitation through cognitive behavioural therapies, art and creative expression have proven success for people suffering with addictions.

It is not to say that crime committed whilst feeding a habit is at all permissable in society, but how it is dealt with for the better long term prospects of the individual and subsequently the benefits to the society he or she is part of. A holistic approach is key.

Only people that have lived through or with drug addictions in their close friends and family can surmise the best way forward. Current methods are obviously not working, so maybe it is about time people like Russell Brand were listened to…

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Running marathons…

Earlier today I was speaking to a friend of mine about success. Feeling successful and having done some things that you have made a success of to some extent, are very different. A bit like training for a marathon, in training it is a success to manage a 15 mile run because that is the furthest you have ever run, but it is not the end of the race or through the finish line.

Over the past few years, there have been many small milestones of success I have managed to achieve, some more poignant and visible and others more internal. There are only a few of these milestones that rewarded me with anything apart from the personal satisfaction or improvement I could feel. In 2008 I challenged myself to run my first 10K and at the end of that race there was this great feeling of pride and achievement as I puffed my way through the finish line. The second time I ran that same distance, the achievement hit was less powerful, so the following year I stepped up the challenge to run a half marathon, a bit like a junkie might have to up his dose of a drug to get a better hit the next time.

In parallel to running these distance events I was also running another marathon of sorts, a musical one. I had a goal of sorts in my mind that I was trying to achieve but with this goal there is no finish line, no distance set, no known finish line, no mapped out route, nothing but the distance with no definite successful end point to aim for. So blindly I have been wading my way through the tasks at hand and music expression trying to find some way to success as I envision it to be.

House music in all it’s forms has been my running partner in life race and in more reccent times with greater spiritual awareness and faith, more and more, the map that I am following is drawn out by trusting my inner self and guidance. I don’t make music to a format, I make music from my heart. I don’t try to fit into anything that is already made, I take all that I am, all that is influencing my current state of expression and just allow that to flow, be that to the taste of other or not. I try not to look at others in the race in comparison, just put my blinkers on and keep it moving to the best of my own ability with what I have to hand, because that is all I can do.

I work hard, I have worked on my self, my mind, my body and my soul, my education, built my skills, built music, taught myself a lot of what I know, but still not reached what I feel will be that feeling of success despite exeeding many expectations I had about myself. I get frustrated sometimes because I don’t have all the skills and better equipment I feel I need to make me more successful, or give me a better shot at being successful. But how do you become successful, what is the winning formula that gets you through that golden gate, that is what I am still working on.

The bar seems to just keep rising the closer you feel you are getting to it, but it is partly me that keeps re-setting it really, because even though I achieve a certain stage, once I get there I still don’t feel satisfied, I still want more. I want to build a better tune, I want to write and sing a better song, I want my mastered end products to sound better, they are still not good enough to me, therefore I cannot feel success. Equally I have not been rewarded to any great extent by way of notoriety or financial gain and without that, though the personal satisfaction is there, to have another or others pat you on the back in some way does qualify things just that little bit more.

The only rewards have been my own self satisfaction, the momentary feeling of joy you get when you finish the latest track and you think it is your best track yet, but that soon dies, because you soon get that feeling that you need to make a better one, because the phone is not ringing like mad with people saying how wonderful it was! I amagine though even if the phone did start ringing like mad and one track was deemed brilliant, that after that the race is still on to make another brilliant track, so you are still running that race.

With music, there is only running, there is only the continual marathon, staying in it, keeping it moving, there is no finish line until you give up, if you ever give up, or until you die. This is why I find it is important to do things that have a finish line in tandem with music. I am someone now that needs to feel I’ve got through a finish line in at least something in my life, at least by running and taking part in events as part of my life I get that sense of success and achievement, I get a medal or a certificate to put on my wall, I get the feel good factor of raising some money for others. I get a few pats on the back from others that my music and setting up my own label business doesn’t give me because the fruits of that labour are yet to be harvested and are not visible to others until that day.

As I approach the last months training for my first full marathon on May 27th I am looking forward to getting through that finish line and the feeling of joy that I have achieved something that does have a visible finish line as I continue with my passions and dreams with music that don’t have that same definite route or ending.

Essence 22/04/2012

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Just Writing Material – A short poem



When you left the bed felt too big without you

But I got myself together and made it though

Everything happens for a reason they say

At least you inspired me in a creative way

Turns out you were just writing material for me

Some emotions to live and find a way to set free

An experience sent to light my fire

Now with hindsignt I can see the story transpire

Comme Si, comme ca, c’est la vie, life goes on

Whatever happens will just end up in a song

I’m just so glad to have this outlet for expression

It sure beats the blues and feelings of depression


Essence 13/03/2012

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“Rhythm is the soul of life. The whole universe revolves in rhythm. Everything & every human action revolves in rhythm”. Babatunde Olatunji

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Music is VITAL!

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